Psychotherapists have long believed that a relationship that you choose reflects your feelings about yourself. For example, if you don’t value yourself, your friends won’t either. They won’t think twice about standing you up, phoning at the last minute to cancel plans, or forgetting to contact you altogether. They don’t consider your feelings or needs. […]
This anxiety-driven defense destroys relationships. Do you feel betrayed when others don’t do what you want? Do you wrestle with trusting people? Have a history of combative relationships? If you answered yes, it’s possible you have a controlling personality. That’s right, your controlling personality may be the cause of your biggest relationship headaches. But don’t […]
5 ways conflict strengthens intimacy. When faced with a conflict in an intimate relationship, do you suffer from the Triple A’s: apologizing, agreeing, and accommodating? Under pressure, are you more likely to compromise or hide your true feelings behind a tense smile or nervous laugh? Afterward, do you find yourself ruminating or losing sleep over […]
Tired of feeling like an outsider? Adult Group therapy can help. When your favorite love song is played on a well-tuned instrument, you can relax and listen without distraction. But when the instrument is out of tune, even a master musician can’t make it sound right. Emotional attunement operates similarly in relationships. When someone listens […]
Recently, I met up with one of my best pals. Like many old friends, we share a secret language, referring to events and situations with a single word or glance. A raised eyebrow, a sideways look, the phrase, “Tell me, are your bananas fresh?” and we erupt in fits of laughter as others look on […]
Conflicts are a Natural Part of all Healthy Relationships When faced with conflicts in relationships, do you suffer from the Triple A’s: apologizing, agreeing, and accommodating? Under pressure, are you more likely to compromise or hide your true feelings behind a tense smile or nervous laugh? And afterward, are you still fretting over the situation? […]
What to be more decisive? Here’s how: While playing it safe may be comforting, standing in the shadows, waiting for someone else to decide, or remaining dependent on friends or loved ones to make decisions for you weakens your confidence and chips away at your self-esteem. Being totally at the mercy of others is a […]
Spending too much time alone? Here are a few things to consider. Sure, an intimate relationship will improve your life—but did you know that it may also extend it? In an article in the New York Times by Jane E. Brody, “Forging Social Connections for a Longer Life,” study after study found that people in […]
Zoe, a shaggy-haired thirteen-year-old with sad eyes, glares at me, arms folded, and jaw set; a therapy hostage if I ever saw one, deposited into my office by her parents against her will. Parents exert their executive power when it comes to therapy, so I don’t expect Zoe to cooperate, especially during our first tumultuous […]
The Ultimate Couples Guide Years ago, I worked with a married couple who never tired of yelling at each other. In fact, their full-throated shouting matches became legendary at the psychotherapy institute I worked at and earned me many complaints from my neighbors. Week after week, they tore into each other with such ferocity that […]
