When planning your getaway, it’s not the place, but the heart that matters most
The classroom clock ticks. Tongues click, feet tap, and the ever-present calendar on the wall beckons students’ wandering eyes. Soon, very soon, the two words most beloved by children and fretted by parents will be unleashed into the sun-drenched world. Two words that beg to be in all caps: SUMMER VACATION.
Whether you prefer a picnic blanket, a beach towel, a baseball hat or hiking boots, family vacations with children are fraught with thorny questions:
- Is there a family vacation plan we can all agree on?
- Do we let our kids bring their friends?
- What if my brother’s bratty daughter asks to join us?
Fear not, family vacation planner! I’ve gathered the top five disastrous family vacations to avoid. Mistakes that engender chaos and disappointment in everyone. So before you dig out your flip-flops and favorite summer hat, make sure you avoid these family vacation blunders:
1. Resorts That Aren’t Kid Friendly
Most resorts look like a dream on the internet but are a nightmare in reality. Those big, colorful photos can be decades old or just plain lies. A friend of mine booked a “special deal” resort for his family. When they arrived for their two-week stay, they found a seedy “love hotel” filled with hot-to-trot couples giving their kids the stink eye. Get a referral from a friend. If possible, plan a quick visit in advance or take a virtual tour. Don’t roll the dice! Booking a bad summer resort for your family will haunt you for the rest of your life. Trust me, I know.
2. Poorly Researched Summer Camps
Summer camp can provide your kid with a lifetime of happy memories — or lifetime of costly therapy-fueled regrets. Bad food and accommodations, combined with over-the-top social stress, can ruin the most resilient kid’s summer. The American Camp Association estimates there are over 12,000 summer camps in the US — so there’s plenty of camps to choose from. Be sure to talk to families who endorse the camp that interests you, take time to meet the camp director, do a background check, and ask about the staff’s qualifications and training. Remember, if your kids hate it, gets kicked out, or leaves early, you’ll never hear the end of it. Worse, you’ll be stuck together for the rest of the listless summer.
3. Car Rides from Hell
A quick drive to the beach can translate into three or four hours in sweltering traffic. Before you or your car overheats, take the road less traveled. Check the traffic patterns during the week, and plot the best time for your escape. You can’t go wrong leaving at sunrise or an early Sunday morning. But even then, construction or road work can shut down your travel plans and have you fantasizing about that flying car from the Jetsons.
4. Summer Jobs & Internships that Fail
Summer jobs fuel kids’ innate drive for maturity and independence. But make sure you find the right job or internship for your kid’s personality. Most states have summer youth programs, so be careful which category you choose. Being stuck in a parking lot toll booth without AC for the summer, or forced to work in an understaffed day program stocked with screaming children will destroy your kids’ ambition and self-esteem. When it comes to first jobs or internships, the right fit is everything. For instance, a colleague recently secured his computer obsession son a summer internship at a technology company. A year later, they hired him part-time. He loved the work, his pride soared and his vision for the future brimmed with hope.
5. No Summer Plans
This is the worse plan of all. Kids crave structure. Summers filled with sleeping late, eating junk food or binge-watching shows are will eventually breed depression and produce an atmosphere of gloom and snarkiness. Whether it’s a summer camp, an internship or job, keep your kid engaged and challenging him or herself. Foster this healthy habit and summer plans may even form organically.
3 Golden Rules for a Successful Family Vacations
1. Engage the Entire Family in Planning Family Vacations
The more a family plans vacations together, the more united and enthusiastic they will all be. Engage your kids in researching vacation spots, give them a voice in the planning. They’ll feel respected and eager to travel. Have them research the history of the place you visit. Let them be your tour guide and they’ll reward you with good cheer.
2. Less Technology, More Creativity on Family Vacations
Nearly twenty-five years working with families in therapy, and not a single parent ever said, “I wish we spent more time on technology.” Take a tech-break on vacation. Read a book with your kid, enroll in a dance or art class, explore new ways to be creative together. Here’s a tip: lock up your family cell phones during vacations, or allowing just 30 minutes at the end of the day. This is a great way to structure technology and create psychic space for self-reflection and mindfulness.
3. Balance Activities with Down Time
Running around all summer without a moment to spare leads to burnout. Make sure to leave space for downtime. Quiet, creative activities, such as reading or playing an instrument, have a natural rejuvenating effect. Find the right balance and avoid those frantic feelings that cause meltdowns and fatigue.
Family Vacations are For Spending Time Together
For over ten years, my family retreated to a cabin in Maine for the summer. There was no television, no computer or cell phones…just a lake and the beautiful Maine mountains. I don’t have a single memory of my kids being bored.
A family vacation doesn’t need to be complicated. Remember, when planning your getaway, it’s not the place, but the heart that matters most.